Open My Heart
by x russian x roulette x
Summary: It seems like fate has picked out a solitary life for Fox, but when General Pepper sets him up for a blind date, will he get the chance at romance he is looking for… with WOLF? Wolf/Fox.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Well, I really like Wolf x Fox, so I thought I would just try at writing my version of how these stories should go. Please read and review and tell me what you think, even if you just want to flame me. Ha, I guess it's only fair. You might hurt my feelings really badly, though. I really put my all in this.

Don't own, don't sue.

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**Open My Heart**

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For no particular reason, Fox wandered around the streets of Corneria, even though the weather on this autumn day was uncomfortably windy.

Speaking of uncomfortable wind, he stuffed his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket and wrapped it around himself, attempting to block out said wind. He shivered slightly, but remained unsure of whether or not it was the cold or the fatigue from the weight on his mind.

Right. That was why he was walking around. Trying to get things off his mind.

"It's not like I have anything better to do, anyway," the vulpine grumbled in his head.

He didn't even have Star Fox, no safe haven of endless adventure in outer space. It was all gone.

'Peppy got promoted and left the team first, then Falco, brash as he is, went off to find more exciting frontiers, guess that our friendship couldn't keep him here,' Fox turned to look in the darkened window of an empty shop.

He sighed. 'Then Slippy went off to live with his girlfriend—I mean, fiancée. I don't think I'll ever get used to saying that,' he let off a small chuckle to himself, 'It was hard to imagine him getting a girlfriend in the first place.'

Suddenly, tears sprang to Fox's eyes. He would be damned if he'd cry. 'And then,' dreading where is train of thought would go—he would be damned if he'd cry, he wouldn't cry: 'and then Krystal …'

A buzzing in his hand interrupted him. It was his cell-phone. He snuffled, fighting back tears, and flipped the phone open.

"H-hello?" he said.

"Fox, is that you?" the voice answering was gruff and familiar.

"General Pepper? What's wrong?" Fox became slightly afraid.

"Ha," the general said, "nothing's wrong, Fox. I just have an urgent matter to speak with you about. I would like you to be in my office in exactly half-an-hour."

"But," Fox started.

"No buts. Show up at my office in half-an-hour, pronto," the other line went click; General Pepper had hung up.

Fox turned his head from the window to catch the sunlight. He couldn't imagine what the general needed him for.

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Author's Note: Alright, it was a short chapter. I'm sorry, guys, I promise I'll have a more substantial update next time. But tell me what you thought, please. I'll try to get more up by tomorrow. Please review and I'll give you a cookie.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Ugh, man, I really hate school right now. Is it just me, or are all U.S. History teachers genetically inclined to be assholes? Sorry for the swear word, but I can't really think of any other term to describe them. I have about four or five hours of homework just for tonight so I can finish this research paper I've been working on, but I didn't want to make it seem like I had abandoned this story. It should turn out pretty juicy.

Thanks to my only reviewer: **Chisredfiled911226**! The cookie is yours. It's a peanut butter cookie.

I'm sorry everyone, but this is going to be another short chapter. I just gotta get some things out of the way before I actually get to the juicy stuff [cue evil fangirl laughter]. And then I have to tackle this research paper and hopefully finish it before midnight so I can get more than four hours of sleep tonight.

-_-;;

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Fox stood in the government office, uncomfortably playing with his cell-phone in his jacket pocket.

"You asked to see me, sir?" he said, slowly.

"Now-now, Fox," General Pepper smiled. "There's no need to be afraid. This is an entirely informal appointment."

'Thank God,' the vulpine thought, relaxing his shoulders.

He frowned. "What did you need to see me for? On the phone it sounded pretty urgent…"

The general sighed and leaned forward on his desk. "I make it a point to concern myself in the personal affairs of my mercenaries," he explained, gesturing towards Fox with one hand.

Fox frowned again. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Well," the general sighed again, "it's not anything you did or are doing, it's what you aren't doing that makes me concerned for your well-being. Fox…"

"Everything's fine," Fox quickly interrupted.

"…how's your love life?"

His face went sullen and the general laughed.

"I thought as much," Pepper explained. "Your friends have called me and told me that something's been wrong with you lately."

"No they haven't."

The hound frowned and produced a tape recorder. He pressed play. "Phone call from Peppy Hare, March 1st," the tape recorder said in Pepper's voice.

"Hey, Pepper," said Peppy Hare from the tape recorder, "could you please check on Fox? I think something's wrong with him. He's been all alone since Krystal left him. Thanks."

"Phone call from Slippy Toad, March 2nd," the tape recorder said.

"Hey, Pepper," said Slippy Toad from the tape recorder, "I was just calling to ask if you could check on Fox for me. I think something might be wrong with him, he's been kind-of all alone since Krystal left him. Thanks."

"Phone call from Falco Lombardi, March 3rd," the tape recorder said.

"Hey Pepper!" said Falco Lombardi from the tape recorder, "How've you been? How's Fox been? I've been kind of worried because I think something might be wrong with him since Krystal left him. Has he been all alone? Call me back and maybe we can get something to drink some time."

The tape recorder shut off. Fox tried to say something in response but no words came.

"So, I've set you up on a blind date," the general stated.

"WHAT?!?!" Hey, there was a word.

"You'll be going to the big concert tonight, congratulations," Pepper smiled and produced a red flower. "Wear this in your shirt so that way your blind date will know who you are."

"Who is she?" Fox asked, incredulously.

"If I told you then the date wouldn't be blind."

"You can't make me go," the vulpine frowned.

Pepper only smiled wider. "If you don't go I'll fire you—"

"I don't even work for you!"

"—in a rocket into Venom. Now, go get ready for your big date McCloud! Your father would be so proud."

Fox grumbled, walked up to the general and took the flower from his hand. "You may make me go," he growled, "but you can't make me like it."

"We'll see," the general winked. "We'll see."

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Author's Note: Oh my God, now I have to go write a ten page paper on the French-Indian War. Damn you, Mr. Ryan! Damn youuuuuuuu…

…okay, anyway. Please review. I know not a whole lot has happened yet, but maybe if you review I'll speed up my updates or something. Definitely by Thursday or something, because I have a lot of homework tonight and I might not feel very up to writing tomorrow.

T_T

Peace out y'all.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Squee! Thanks to everyone who wished me luck on the research paper (and agreed with me on history teachers being total assholes) being** lucario22** and **Saiko-Wulf** (and another shout out to my bro **Chisredfiled911226** for reviewing again). Anyways I'd just like to say that I am a total review whore and I need more reviews because I'd like to get more viewpoints on how my writing style compares.

Oh man, I'd just like to let you all know that I am so psyched about how school went yesterday. Here's a little story from x-r-x-r-x's life (haha, not that I mean to distract from the story but, here's an even better example of why Mr. Ryan [my history teacher] deserves nothing but the most painful death at the hands of an ugly hooker).

After checking all of our papers (haha, this kid that I hate whose name is Brian S. didn't even _do_ his, what a _jerkoff_. God I have such a dirty mouth, sorry, but my friends all say that I cuss like a sailor with a gambling problem and incredibly bad luck), Mr. Ryan was all like: "Okay, class, now, I expect that all of you being troglodytes like you are (okay, maybe he didn't really say that) you all need practice at public speaking. So, each of you will give an impromptu 2-minute oral presentation on your papers."

And I was like thinking 'Oh-my-_God_, Mr. Ryan, you deserve nothing but the most painful death at the hands of an ugly hooker.' Regardless, I got up [and I was nervous as hell] but I did it and I didn't burst into awkward laughter or even stall for time by saying [um] one thousand and forty three times; none of that whatsoever! I think I deserve a cookie.

Okay, anyways, it's story time children! Last time we left off at Fox being ordered by General Pepper to go on a blind date so as not to be completely alienated…

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He pinned the red flower to a fancy black dress shirt he had picked up at some specialty clothing boutique somewhere. He hadn't really wanted to buy it, but Krystal insisted—

'Okay, stop it. Stop thinking about her.'

Embossed into it was rose-colored thread, in the pattern of an Oriental dragon, beginning at the very bottom of the fabric and rising towards the place over his heart. The red flower was pinned right in the wide-open maw of the thread dragon.

'Heh, how fitting,' like the flower, the symbol pertaining to this date, were being swallowed.

He couldn't wear his normal green flight pants to the date. Nothing fancy or stylish; if he wanted to make a bad first impression he would have to wear something _rugged_. And nothing said rugged like blue jeans with both bleach stains and oil stains on them.

His only complaint was that they showed off his knees too much.

'No, literally.'

Well, they were certainly a well-worn pair of pants. He had done enough sliding and scooting around on his knees in the Arwing hangar that they were now open to the world to see.

Not one to be outdone by any slight error in fashion sense, he put his leather jacket that he head been accustomed to wearing all day every day recently. So now the grave looking fox in the mirror wore a foppish dress shirt with a leather jacket over it, while clad in ripped and stained pants.

Fox smoothed one paw through the blonde locks of hair on his head, grinning at himself in the mirror.

"Crap," he muttered, "it still looks like me."

* * *

The marquee over the entrance to the Cornerian Outdoor Theater read "All through the middle of the week: MILEY CYRUS AND JONAS BROTHERS, DOUBLE FEATURE!"

Fox stared at it, sullenly. 'Name sounds pretty gay,' he thought.

But, regardless, he had heard some pretty great things about this concert, so he shrugged and waltzed through the ticket gate.

Inside were a million girls and boys of all ages, screaming at the top of their lungs for the bands. The noise annoyed Fox horribly so he bounded up to the higher level of seating of the Ampitheater and perched on the wall. At least the noise was less intense from up here.

He scanned the crowd below for any signs of women wearing red flowers.

"I bet he's hooked me up with some fat loser Cornerian sergeant woman," the vulpine growled. "That would not even be slightly unlike him," he kicked his boot back into the wall he was sitting on.

But, scanning around the crowd, there were some pretty hot babes. One tough-looking lynx, though she was smiling and chatting up a male cardinal; she wasn't wearing a red flower anywhere. One pink cat sitting in the dimming sunlight and playing with her silver hair absentmindedly; she wasn't wearing a red flower anywhere _either_. Damn.

Fox sighed and rested his head in his arms. 'Well, maybe I can babewatch while I'm with her. I doubt that wouldn't turn her off.'

Suddenly, someone tapped him on the shoulder.

Fox looked up ad was greeted with a nice view of a tall person's chest. On it was pinned a red flower. But the chest was unreasonably flat.

"Um, excuse me," a distinctively male voice said, "I was waiting for my blind date. I was told he'd be wearing a red flower in his shirt…?"

The vulpine looked up, feeling frustrated at how awful this evening was going to be. 'First,' he quickly fumed in his head, 'I get hooked up on a blind date that I'm forced to go on only because the person who made the contact for me is the ruler of the planet. Second of all, he hooks me up with a guy, and I don't even LIKE guys like that. What could possibly go more wrong? Maybe I shouldn't make eye contact,' he thought, as he looked up.

But he made eye contact.

Actually, only one eye contacted. His right eye came in contact only with an eye-patch.

Fox was looking at a lupine. And he knew this lupine. Fox knew him all too well.

"Fox?" said lupine asked, in shock.

Fox felt his face contort in horror, but didn't care whether or not it would offend.

"Oh God, no."

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SUSPENSE! Oh nooooooooo~

Hah, right. Not like you don't know who it is XP

Well, I'm apparently not imaginative enough to think of any kind of Lylat-type bands (and I really despise making OCs, personally) so I just sort of wimped out and picked a double concert made of bands that really exist here in the real world (as lame as the real world is). And yeah, I kind of understand that it's sort of cliché for romance fics to feature things like that, but I am actually a totally huge-ass Disney fangirl and, respectively, my favorite bands/singers in the world are Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers.

::sigh:: when I was younger I wanted to be a Disney Princess— (as long as I got to be Marie from Aristocats. :D)

Please review. I will dance. I will tap-dance on the sidewalks of with a sad little hat out. The sad little hat must be filled with reviews.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Hello again everyone! It's x-r-x-r-x. First off, I'd like to send up mad props to **lucario22**, **Saiko-Wulf**, and **Chisredfiled911226** for their reviews. [Also, **Sindalstar**, who alert'd my story; and **catwings30** and **syani123** who favorite'd my story but haven't reviewed yet XD] Did I not give you anything good enough to comment on? I'm sorry.

Also I'm REALLY sorry for the lack of activity: it's been like a WEEK since my last update. I write all my things down in a notebook, and my parents found said notebook and went pretty much out of their minds. They're kinda hardcore Christian and they are incredibly homophobic. So they grounded me from using the computer for five days to think about what I'd 'done' (as if the internet was responsible for 'infecting' me with a compulsion to write homosexual romance). What-the-f**k.

God, sometimes I can't wait until I turn 16. I am sooo getting emancipated.

I could sit here and rant but I don't think that would be fair to you guys, haha. So, I just wanted to explain why it looks like I practically died. I almost did. Five days without internet? o_O I actually cheated or else I would've gone crazy.

But, uh, here's chapter four. XD [that was not a very good introductory author's note!]

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"Fox," Wolf repeated, this time wearing a shit-eating grin.

"Wolf," Fox said.

Wolf made the first move.

With a fist. Directed towards Fox's face.

Fox grunted and dodged, jumping backwards and still smiling. He wouldn't expect anything less from his former rival.

He didn't expect this at ALL from General Pepper. But what could he say about it? Nothing.

Except that he was wasn't gay.

Wolf came charging at him again, also smiling. Fox had no idea why the hell the lupine went smiling on like that. He probably was on the warpath.

Fox frowned and pulled out his Reflector Shield quickly. He always had to be prepared for whatever situation, right?

The vulpine glowed bright blue. He flexed his muscles, attempting to intimidate his rival.

Wolf scoffed and jumped, doing a half-flip in midair and attempting to connect his fist to Fox's head. The reflector shield caused him to get thrown off, slightly, and he landed in a pile of chairs that had not been set up yet.

Fox immediately picked up one of the chairs scattered by Wolf's impact and raised it over his head, preparing to hit the lupine with it.

Said lupine rolled out of the way, knocking over another aisle of folding chairs in front of them. Fox hit the ground anyway, just wanting to intimidate Wolf with the sound of metal hitting concrete.

Wolf spun and kicked his leg underneath the vulpine, causing Fox to fall over. The vulpine let go of the chair, grabbed Wolf and rolled over, knocking over more chairs. Then he tossed Wolf into the barrier around the edge of the theater.

Wolf hit it with an accidental groan. He shouldn't let Fox know what his weaknesses are. He positioned his legs on the barrier and sprang into the air.

Fox leaped up into the air as well, with one foot outstretched in front of him, aimed to strike the lupine in the head. But he miscalculated: Wolf moved to fast so that Fox's foot connected with his midriff.

Wolf grinned and caught Fox's foot, and tried to spin him. But Fox locked his leg and stuck Wolf outwards, kicking him away from him.

Wolf dug his claws in Fox's hips, trying to take the vulpine down towards the ground with him. Fox punched and hit Wolf in the face once, but the lupine did not loosen his grip.

They sailed over the barrier and towards the lower level of the theater. Fox and Wolf both noticed this.

Fox frowned and hit Wolf in the face for good measure. Wolf only grinned. He was definitely crazy.

And here came the ground towards them!

Fox instinctively gripped Wolf's jacket harder and closed his eyes, waiting for the impact.

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Author's Note: SUSPENSE! AGAIN!

The content of this chapter seemed pretty realistic to me, anyway.

I mean, to me it seems pretty realistic not to have them like each other right at first. They're rivals, damnit, and they would probably violently fight in the event that they met in any circumstance, right?

I would've written a more detailed chapter but I think if I stay on the computer too long my parents will come thump me with The Bible. I don't really want to get thumped with it. It's kind of a thick book. D:


	5. Chapter 5

(slinks in)

Uh… what month is it?

Haha, it's July? Already?

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I'm really, really sorry that I haven't updated in such a long time! No, I'm REALLY REALLY sorry. You don't know how sorry.

Sophomore year came to a close, finally. The last months have been just emotional rollercoaster after emotional rollercoaster. I'd been trying to balance doing volunteer work (since I couldn't get paid until I turned 16 in April—when I finally quit doing volunteer work and got a paying job) and doing school work and my family life which just got shittier and shittier.

Okay, so, I hate ranting about my parents. But after they found out that I wrote the last chapter, they had a fit.

Yeah, I know I should've erased the history in the browser—but immediately after I posted the chapter (and threw the document file away, believe me; I can't keep any of my writing on the computer) my dad decided to use the computer to make sure I hadn't been looking at any "homosexually compulsive material". And he found the story.

I was really scared I was going to get wupped for it because my parents were seemingly on the warpath. They screamed for a really long time at me but that as all. So I thought.

I got home after school to find my room in a state of disarray. My parents had riped all my posters off the wall and tore up my bedsheets and destroyed all my personal possessions everything.

I don't know who did it and I don't really know what the fuck they were thinking. But I slammed the door right after I walked in my room and dragged my clothes drawers in front of the door so they couldn't get in. Then I packed everything that was intact in a bag (which wasn't much—like maybe a couple of outfits and some stuffed animals and things) and I had to climb down the side of my house and get out.

I was oddly calm about the whole thing but my friends freaked out enough for me. I had to divide my time between couch surfing at my friends' houses and at my aunt's. Plus I tried to get a job so I could get legally emancipated so my grades suffered. And then my parents tried to apologize for it but I didn't want to listen to their shit anymore so I've been trying to ignore them and meet all the requirements for the petition.

So—yeah! That's why I haven't written in a while. I'm currently reporting from my friend Becky's house (say hi to Becky everyone. She's reading this.)

Not that I want to get you all depressed. I'm sorry, I just had to write it somewhere.

But x-r-x-r-x got a ton of reviews! And as you all know, reviews make me really happy! ::total review whore::

FROM:

**syani123**

"Hi...Err...I don´t know what to say...Just I didin´t say anything before because I don´t know what to say

I love this story..that´s because I fave it...=)

I hope you feel better with this review n_n

PS: I hope love Wolf/Fox soon ;)"

Thank you syani123! I do feel better with every review! Lol. I didn't mean to put you on the spot or anything—I know I've been asking for really serious critique but I just like to know that my stories are being read, if anything.

…and I hope they love soon too! I am planning to have a really sexy scene in later chapters. LOL. We'll see how it goes. I worked really hard on it, if you know what I mean. ;d

FROM:

**lucario22**

"At first I was scared it was gonna be a lame story, since most people who write a Fox X Wolf without making it 90% yaoi just fail and shrivel up, but I still support my claim that this story is great!

The battle scene was quite realistic (in my opinion), and thankfully neither too short or too long. Great job!

I hope you manage to cool out with your parents, and that you can post the next chapter soon! The best thing to do now is to not write another notebook or something like that and leave it at home. If you doodle in school then leave it in your locker or something.

Good luck, and keep on writing!"

Lol, are you sure this story isn't lame? :D Thank you lucario22! And thanks for the wellwishes of me getting along with my parents… even though it doesn't matter now… /angst

FROM:

**crazy and lovin' it**

"I can see where your coming from. my parents are like the bigest homophobes in the world and if they ever found out that I read yaoi they would probably disown me...but, back to the story. This story, what can I say? I love it so far! I did NOT expect for them to just break into a fight. You seem to like keeping people on their toes. Especially with the god awful cliffhangers! Just make the chpters a little longer and you'll have me hooked for life, or as long as the story goes on!"

Thank you crazy and lovin' it! I'm really sorry that both of our parents are really big homophobes… the things our generation has to suffer through, right? Oh god. I hope that you don't have to deal with the same craziness that I had to deal with.

And thanks for pointing out how the chapters are too short. I hope this chapter will be longer! I've been trying to improve my writing stamina; we'll see how it goes!

FROM:

Saiko-Wulf

"x3

Quick reads are quick.

And good reads are good.

That makes this a quick, good read.

And don't get thumped. o.O;

xD"

:3 x3 xD Kawaii. /japanese LOL! Thank you Saiko-Wulf! I tried to keep my chapters concise because I think whenever I write long chapters my readers all get bored.

FROM:

Wolf Flash

"First of all, I have to congratulate you. Wolf/Fox without the 'oh, look, we tried to kill each other and now we're somehow in love so let's make this huge mushy romance and be all OOC, blah blah' kind of situation. (I didn't say that I don't read them either; they're just getting sorta cliché, that's all. XD) Second of all... it's well-written too! :3 Really good job; can't wait to see what happens between the two (the advantages of cliffies, much)...

P.S. Yesh, if my parents find out I read yaoi/shonen-ai, they'd be like, probably pretty much freaked out. And yeah... I like to cheat too when I'm denied my computer time. Not completely honest, but... can't help myself. XD

Now I'll stop flooding the review page! X3"

Thanks Wolf Flash! Geez, this is so much praise I'm not really used to it! LOL XD Thank you so much. This really means a lot to me. I tried really hard to make this relationship seem pretty realistic. And yes, cliffhangers are very advantageous. Encouragement is what keeps me going, guys!

FROM:

Chisredfiled911226

"good fight seen"

Thanks Chisredfiled911226! I tried really hard on it… I hope it was realistic!

FROM:

Dark Balto

"Just started reading Star Fox fan fiction and have fallen in love with this story!Keep up the amazing work!I'll be waiting excitedly for the next update and will probably have a seizure of excitement when you do!"

Please don't! Seizures are scary!

LOL, just kidding. Thanks Dark Balto! It really means a lot to me because I really put my all into this story! I hope this update brings you some kind of excitement!

FROM:

**Jaslazul** (!!!)

"Okay... I read this a while back, but never reviewed it. So, I'm going to do that now (as if you couldn't tell).

I haven't seen a new, readable Fox x Wolf fic with a realistic plot in a fairly long time, and this fic hits that mark, so, yay for that. I've alert'd this and will prolly be watching it for a bit.

There are a couple of stylistic things I could point out (use of exclamation point in narration, single quotes for internal dialogue, etc.), but the main issue I have so far is the shortness of the chapters. Chapters one and two could be a single chapter, chapters three and four (and maybe five) could be a single chapter. Extremely short chapters make the story feel detached. I also don't like the use of mainstream, modern bands, but, then, I don't like mainstream, modern bands period, so that's probably why. :P There are some more nitpicky things... but by know you probably just want me to shut up, so... yeah.

On the bright side, I don't remember any typos or grammar mistakes (but don't quote me there or stab me in the face if I'm wrong, 'cause it's been a while since I've read through this fic :P).

And yes, I agree, projects suck. I have a 20-page paper and presentation on Shakespeare due in about two weeks which I'm not looking forward to at all.

But anyway, I'll be watching this. I add'd it to the community thingamabob, hope you don't mind."

Thank you Jaslazul! I am honored to be worth your consideration for your community. I would be really happy if you would PM me and let me know what it is you find stylistically contestable about it. And yes, I also agree—projects suck. Especially when it's hard to complete them for personal reason.

(I also hate mainstream modern bands. But if I made Jabbo Smith have a Lylatian comeback concert I think it would raise a couple of eyebrows. LOL)

FROM:

**darkmage4357**

"SUSPENSE!"

**SUSPENSE! **_ … _ … _**SUSPENSE!!!**_

FROM:

"So far I'm liking the story. I only like Fox/Wolf paring because all the other ones the guys are too wimpy, and this is one of the better ones I've read. (Not a Yoai fan girl or boy)"

Thanks ! I try to make both Fox and Wolf seem really masculine. I hate it when people make them act really effeminate. I don't think it's in character.

FROM:

Wolfe W. Steele

"XD I love it. You should continue. It's actually nice to see a realistic attempt at a Wolf x Fox relationship for once instead of sudden forgiveness and floof."

Aw geez! Thanks Wolfe W. Steele! Actually, lots of people have been describing my story as realistic, which is nice to hear because that's what I would really like to have it perceived as. Lol. Doesn't everyone?

FROM:

**xXThe perfect soldierXx**

"It's funny and adorable at the same time...It is realistic for them to fight all the time...i have the two of them living in my head and they fight all the time...even though they're married and have a kid...-_-' anyways...It's too short!T_T But I'll live with that...Update more...And I agree with you on the fact that all history teachers are total asses...-sigh-"

Aw that sounds adorable. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future if you're going to feature Wolf and Fox in the married life. LOL :3 Allow gays to marry kthx. Thanks to xXThe perfect soldierXx!

FROM:

"Disclaimer: Everything that i will say in this review may or may not be true, and you are under no obligation to follow them. take this time to read on the review MULTIPLE times and see what parts you think are true, and which are not, and improve those parts.

since i haven't been on fanfiction for an incredibly long time, i'm probably gonna be very critical because i won't be taking the time to note that everyone here is probably a novice writer. don't take it too personally, and take something from this review, its a critique to help you improve. =]

plot overview: Lawl. wolf is gay? i wonder what means he went through to get pepper to set him up like that. well, the plot is okay, i mean, you couldve made a more smooth transition into the shocking OMG its FCKING WOLF! moment, and you could've cut back on depressed fox mode, because you really don't want to over-emphasize a point, as it gets into the eventual "omg we get it" phase.

Chap.1: being really straightforward, there isn't much to say. not bad, but not really awesome either. it was pretty basic, so i really point out anything bad. i do like the fact that you covered every basic point though, an introduction, overview of other charachters, etc.

Chap.2: the phone calls were the weirdest thing ever. i mean, for EVERYONE to conveniently call up to say "check up on fox." even if the charachter plays a small role, you still should have enough of an understanding of the charachter to use their personality to their full potential. Peppy doesn't say or do much, but he's a bit of a leader and he can worry a bit. Slippy is childish, and along that has a childish sense of care towards others. you need to incorporate that into your text. oh, the other things is lack of descriptive text. you sound like a chain of events, not a story. create more of an environment when you write, because that can make all of the difference.

Chap.3: also very straightforward, although i really don't think you needed to include this chapter, aside for as a transition to the fight scene chapter. if anything, chapters 2 and 3 should've been linked together. not sure if you really needed to go into all of the dressing stuff, but oh well. I do agree with Jaslazul that your chapters should be longer.

Chap.4: Fight scene. epic lulz, much? haha, moving on. um, honestly, it was not bad. incredibly short? yes. couldve been longer. again, link b/w 3 and 4 , linking 123, and 4,potential5, and potential 6 is also possible. you need to make the story flow, so make longer chapters

Charachter presentation: fox= good. you did somewhat well in showing how his mood would be after being alone for a long time. after all, he is supposed to be really attached to the people who he cares about. you may have overdone it a little imo, but its good Wolf= not enough charachters to give an overview about, but the ubergrinning thing was weird.

conclusion: not bad, but not really good the things i've said and use them to improve ur FF. after all, it takes us people a long time to write these things too. =P."

Thank you SO much . I really appreciate that you took the time to do a piece-by-piece critique of my story so far. Yeah, this is my first real fanfition so I understand that some of the things were weird! At least you took the time to point them out, so thank you very much—I appreciate it. I'll try not to use childish or overused plot points, and I'll improve my characterization as best as I can. Thank you!

And now without any further ado: Chapter 5!

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Then Fox and Wolf hit the metal stage and exploded in an impossible pile of meat and blood, spraying all over the audience.

And the crowd started screaming, covered in gore. They began rushing towards the exits of the theater. Some kids fell and were crushed underfoot, spraying blood and brains all over the feet of the already panicking audience.

"Aw shit," muttered the theater's security guard, watching the carnage from his security televisions. "The janitor's going to throw a fit."

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

thanks for reading


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